Top 3 child arrangement myths
When it comes to Child Arrangements, there are a lot of myths and misconceptions floating around which might make it hard for you to know what to believe. It can be even more difficult to separate fact from fiction when you’re representing yourself in court without a solicitor to guide you.
Our beliefs around what happens in the Family Court can be shaped by sensationalist newspaper articles we read or something that happened to someone our friend knows. TV shows can also play a part, often presenting a somewhat skewed version of events.
To help you gain clarity around what really happens in Child Arrangement cases, Here are the top 3 myths I hear from clients. Part of representing yourself in court with confidence is being prepared, and that means knowing the truth about what really happens so you know what to expect.
Myth 1: Mediation is pointless
One of the most common Family Law myths I hear is regarding mediation. Often people don’t see how mediation can be of any use when only the court can make an order. Ex couples worry it will needlessly delay the separation process, and they can be skeptical about their ability to agree on anything without the court’s intervention.
What they often don’t realise is that court costs and orders can be avoided by both parties agreeing to negotiate during mediation. If the lines of communication between you and your ex are still open, you should try to come to an agreement between yourselves regarding finances and children, and the terms of your divorce.
These discussions can result in a formal Separation Agreement (if you’re not married), or a Consent Order (if you are married), which sets out all the issues a court would normally consider but which doesn’t cost you thousands in fees to obtain. This is a legally binding agreement signed by both parties and sent to the court, which means that you may not have to attend any hearings; so this can actually speed up the separation process and make things easier for both parties, along with any children involved.
Of course if there is a lot of tension and conflict between you and your ex, and relations have completely broken down, mediation might not be appropriate. If one of you has made allegations against the other, for example, a Fact Finding Hearing might be necessary to get to the truth.
However, I would always advise clients to attempt mediation if possible for both their sake and the benefit of any children you share.
Myth 2: The Family Court always favours the mother
This is a very common assumption – perhaps one of the most prevailing Family Law myths. The law isn’t inherently biased towards the mother in any way, but it’s important to realise that ensuring stability for any children involved in a divorce will be the court’s primary concern.
Often it’s the mother who stays in the family home while the father moves out, and the courts will try to ensure children don’t have to move out of that home – so this can seem that mothers are being favoured. The reality of the situation, however, is that if a father makes an application to see his children, an order granting this will usually always be given unless there are any safeguarding concerns.
In all my time supporting people in court I’ve only known of a very small handful of fathers denied access to their children, and in those cases it was the fathers’ behaviour that led to that.
It’s important when you’re self-representing in court to understand the reality of what happens in children hearings so you can make sure you’re fully prepared.
Myth 3: You need a solicitor to go to court.
This is a common Family Law myth I’m happy to discredit. You definitely don’t need to hire a solicitor to represent yourself in court, although I’d advise you to at least looking at consulting with a dedicated service for support. The cost of engaging a solicitor is usually the most pressing factor in people’s decision to self-represent, although some people do it because they think they’ll make a better job of it as they’re more invested in the case.
Whatever your reasons, I firmly believe anyone can represent themselves in court successfully, and it isn’t as difficult as you might think. As long as you’ve done some thorough preparation and gained some important insider insight into the court process, you can walk out of that courtroom confident that you’ve done yourself justice, whatever the outcome.
You should never just rely on Google for this though, or things you’ve heard from friends of friends. You need to understand the Family Court procedures and how to fill out all the paperwork correctly to ensure you don’t jeopardise your case.
I cover everything you need to know in my services at www.afathersfriend.co.uk - covering various aspects of self-representation in court. From writing an effective Position Statement to dealing with parental alienation. Support from A Father’s Friend will help you prepare thoroughly so you feel much more confident about representing yourself in court.
