Lessons learned from representing myself in Family Court

If you’ve got a Family Court hearing coming up where you’re representing yourself in court, you’re probably feeling nervous and uncertain. You may think you’re going to mess it up and jeopardise your case. Or perhaps you’re feeling confident enough, but don’t know where to start when it comes to preparing for your first hearing. 

I know how you feel as I’ve been in your shoes, preparing for my own court hearing without knowing what to expect, or how to prepare or behave. So I wanted to share my experience with you and the journey that led me to starting A Father’s Friend and supporting other people representing themselves in the Family Court. 

The lessons I learnt might help you in your own journey of representing yourself in court.

Gaining more contact with my daughter.

In 2020 I personally went through the process of successfully exercising my parental rights - and gained contact to my daughter in the family courts via a child arrangement order. This was after being separated from my daughter for 9 months. Now more than ever I empathises with the day-to-day struggles that fathers face to wrestle back their parental rights.

Throughout the whole process I represented myself in court without a solicitor, while my ex partner had Legal Aid.  I was incensed at how unfair everything was and it wasn’t until much later that I realised that the system is the way it is and however much you complain about it, things still progress in the same way.  It is much better to fit into the system and follow it.

So that’s why I decided to train and support others going through the whole process of self-representing in court as a McKenzie Friend www.afathersfriend.co.uk/story. I firmly believe that anyone can represent themselves in court as long as you’re willing to put in a bit of preparation and learn the processes and procedures with some insider support from someone like me. 

Lessons learnt about representing yourself in court

1. You need to understand how the system works and what the judge needs to make a decision

There are processes and procedures you must follow in court hearings which can be hard to navigate when you’re representing yourself in court. It’s vital to get some support with this from an insider, that is, someone who knows the system and how decisions are made in court. 

You most likely can’t afford a solicitor to help you, and that’s why you’re acting for yourself, but you need to get some advice if you can about the rules and how things work. You can obviously look online but really you need that insider insight from someone who has been there and done it. 

You could look at www.afathersfriend.co.uk  for experience of assisting and advising people through the Family Court process, or contact charitable organisations like Citizens Advice.

 2. The system is what it is and everything will proceed through a set process no matter how much you complain about it

The system can be slow, confusing and hard to understand from a layman’s perspective, especially if you’re representing yourself in court. You may think things are unfair and unjust, as I did, but unfortunately nothing will change in the way court hearings proceed no matter what your feelings about it. This may sound harsh but it’s the truth, and you’re better off putting your energy into learning how the system works so you can do your best. 

 3. You need to write a good position statement to explain your situation and what outcome you want from the hearing

A well-written Position Statement will help you when you’re representing yourself in court, while giving the judge the important information they need to make a decision. You can increase the chances of that decision going in your favour by making sure your Position Statement includes all the right information and that it’s clear and well-structured. 

You might want to check out service at www.afathersfriend.co.uk/services for support on how to write a good Position Statement and how to structure it. 

 4. Parent alienation is common but there are ways you can deal with it

Parental alienation is when one parent manipulates a child into acting in a hostile way to the other parent following a divorce or separation. This is something I have personal experience of, as you’ll have read in my story. It’s likely that CAFCASS will be involved in assessing your situation and your children’s home environment, and they will work to identify any instances of parental alienation before making a recommendation to the court. 

It’s important to remember that, no matter what your feelings towards your ex partner are, it isn’t acceptable to manipulate a child to get back at your ex or bolster your own position. If you’re the parent being isolated, make sure you remind your partner of this. If you find that this is happening frequently, try to gather evidence to back up any claims you make.

There are lots of other things I learnt from representing myself in court, but I think these are the main lessons. I hope they help you. 

If you need more support with representing yourself in court with confidence, you might want to check out website www.afathersfriend.co.uk/contact to request a call with me so we can discuss your case.