Are you a father in the process of a separation where a child or children are involved?
If you are in the process of separation or have recently separated from your partner and a child or children are involved, this can be an extremely stressful and anxious time. It may mean you leaving the family home and having to find suitable accommodation. You will then want a plan to see your child or children. This article will hopefully help you with some of the things to consider and the various situations that may arise.
Child Arrangements – Informal verbal agreement
You can decide to make an informal verbal agreement with your ex-partner on when and how often you will see your child or children. This may include school/nursery drop off and pick up, weekends and overnight stays, holidays, education, and medical decisions. You may find that this works well at the beginning of the separation but quite often as time goes on and new partners become involved this can then become more strained and changes can then be made and sometimes at very short notice. The resident parent will often hold the control and therefore the situation can become very stressful to you and most importantly disruptive to the child or children, this can then affect their well-being and mental health.
Child Arrangements – Informal written agreement
Quite often after trying an informal verbal agreement sometimes the separated parents then moves to a slightly more formal written agreement, this can be known as a ‘parenting plan’ this can help with agreeing to what the arrangements are for the child or children, when they will be with each parent and how often. Again, this plan can work if both parents agree to abide by it with some level of flexibility, however if there are any situations between the parents where there is a disagreement then access by the resident parent can be restricted as there are no consequences to this type of agreement and therefore it is difficult to enforce.
Child Arrangements – Court ordered
It can be sometime after separation that parents end up in court having to ask a judge or magistrate to make a child arrangement order, normally because all communication between the parents have broken down and, in some cases, access has been stopped completely by the resident parent, which typically is the mother. Quite often it will be the father that applies to the court to regain access to the child or children to have a formal order in place to ensure there is continued regular contact, with potential consequences if the order is not followed. The Family Courts role is to put the child or children’s welfare at the centre of all the decisions they make and quite often they are not interested in any ‘squabbles’ between the parents. They just want to assess whether the child or children are safe when in the parent’s care. It is believed by the Family Court that it is always better for the child or children’s well-being and development to have both parents in their lives.
Things to consider
Although it is an extremely stressful time when separating and leaving a family home it can be ‘best practice’ to consider a child arrangement order by the Family Court sooner rather than later as this can then limit the amount of disruption, anxiety and upset to the child or children. It can be inevitable that the longer that you are separated, and you move on with your life and new partners become involved that any informal arrangements you have in place with regards to access to your child or children can be changed or stopped completely. It can be worth the initial cost at the beginning of the separation to consider this as it can save a lot of heartache down the line and most importantly the negative effects on the child or children if access is inconsistent or stops completely. A Fathers Friend is here to support fathers at every stage of their child arrangement journey so always reach out if you want to discuss all the options available to you.
